On Being Bald

It’s gone – meaning my hair.  Saturday I ventured out to buy a shirt, but today was my first real day to really get out around town for a few hours as a bald headed woman.  My, I had no idea how much courage it would take to do it. 

Like most mornings, the first thing I did this morning was to enjoy a cup of java and then head for the shower.  These days that doesn’t take too long.  Not only do I not have to wash and condition my hair, I also don’t have to shave the legs or under the arms.  It’s very quick. 

Now, time to get myself ready.  No towel drying my hair, no gels or blow dryers or fancy curling irons.  It’s now all about putting on my make-up (and I don’t wear much) and then getting dressed.  Tim and others have long said that I get ready faster than just about any girl on the planet – and that’s true – probably because I really don’t have a hairstyle.  My hair USED TO just kind of sit on top of my head, dry.  Anyway, getting myself ready to go out is a piece of cake, now that I just sport a hat. 

But leaving the house without my hair was a little tough.  Tim said all the right things – “You look fabulous,” he said, me knowing that I really didn’t.  I kept changing my outfit.

“Do you like the shirt with a scarf or without?”

“What about this jacket?”

“Would you wear these earrings or do these look better?”

Bless his heart . . . we finally got out the door, and on our way to the Clinton School lecture series for the long awaited Rachel Maddow. 

Tim dropped me off, and then parked the car. I knew when I walked into the Statehouse Convention Center that I looked different from the rest of the crowd.  The nice man at the entrance informed me that the escalators were not working and asked me if that would be a problem, showed me where I could catch an elevator.  He knew.  I just know it. But he was very, very kind.  

Then upstairs to the big WOW!  Rachel Maddow is my national news anchor hero and she was so much more than what I had expected.  The Dean gave us the opportunity to meet with her prior to the formal presentation, and she is such a kind and gentlewoman, even though she can be like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew when she’s interviewing a political opponent on her news program.  Maddow was so smart and poised and logical, and I’m so proud to have had the opportunity to meet with her, along with my dear friend and social justice activist, Rep. Kathy Webb (yes, that's me on the right in the hat).  Thank you Dean!! 

As we left, it was the usual time to run into a mob of longtime and good friends.  I held my breath, was so frightened; that is, until they touched me, and held me.  From PHUMC friends Lane and Jenn and Donna, to my high school history teacher and mentor Marcia, to the Rev. Larry who held me tight and whispered a prayer into my ear.  It was not just okay, it was heart-warming.  In fact, it felt good to be held into the arms of those who love you. I’m so blessed to have many dear friends, solid friends who care and who can make all my awkwardness go away. 

Later Beth and I went to Whole Foods, Bedford Camera and to pick up my car from the body shop – the same car that was hit on the day I caught cancer.  Yes, it’s taken more than a month to take care of this matter.  We also shopped for shirts with high collars that can help me feel much better about the newfound nakedness around my head.  I bought two cotton shirts and I like them. 

Tonight I will have dinner with the Mike & Beth and Michaela, and then repack my chemo bag as treatment day #2 begins tomorrow morning at 10 am.  I’m fully aware that the soreness in my breast has gone away, only attributable to the chemotherapy.  I’m looking forward to another encounter tomorrow. Chemo and I are a potent combination.  Look out cancer – here we come!